New Blog

I've started my own Wordpress blog, which you can view here. Eventually it will get restyled into an entirely new website, easily updated and super-pretty.

What I am (unabashedly)

I am not a martini man, nor do I drink bourbon, nor scotch. I do not drive a BMW, I do not wear suits to fancy parties. I do not talk to rich girls and fuck them in their parents' room. I do not turn on my big screen flat TV in the evening to listen to the evening news after coming home from the local gym with my personal trainer. I do not listen to Mozart, I do not take dates to five-star restaurants, and my phone is not a Blackberry. I am not James Bond.

I drink Hamm's Wisconsin Premium Beer and Ten High whiskey. I drive a rusty, beat-up Toyota sedan which is almost as old as I am. I wear jeans with holes in them that were not there when I bought them, and zip-up hoodies with bleach stains on the sleeves from accidental contact with Clearasil. I go to bars when the drinks are cheap and friends' house parties where the mood is relaxed. I use one screen all day, the one on my laptop, for all my news and entertainment and work. I listen to the Format and the Weakerthans and Daft Punk and the Handsome Furs and many others, most of which I did not purchase. I take my dates out for coffee or a movie. My phone is seven years old and only make phonecalls and does texting. I am me.

What will change in ten years?

I seem continually drawn to situations that nearly kill me. Today I ran harder than I ever have before; I was literally at wit's end. There was only the forward movement. I could see, but my eyes refused to focus on anything. I could move my head to stare at the rising sun, but that would interfere with the movement of the RUN. The RUN sapped all my energy, forcing every system in my body to direct its energy into the forward stumbling of my feet. I have never breathed harder than at the end of this run. I wanted to sprint to the end, like most the rest of my run group, but something in my body said it was impossible. Maybe it wasn't, but I didn't have the encouragement to break past that final barrier, that mental block that separates mind from body. I want to know what that feels like, to be free of thought and bask in the purity of exertion.

Lately

I have been unable to remember the sound of my voice lately. I will say something to someone and while I remember that I said it five minutes later, it doesn't feel like it was me saying it.

Grievances (with myself or life in general):
My back hurts. I don't have time for fun anymore. I am not going to be done in time for portfolio night. There's too much to do. I never get to have fun. I am way too deep in debt and don't have a job. The economy sucks. Clients suck. Employers suck for laying people off. Greedy investors suck. I suck, for not planning better. The system sucks, for enslaving people who are not well off but still want to go to college for something they enjoy. The system sucks again, for encouraging people to do the aforementioned, in order to ensure the slavery of the middle class. Actionscript sucks. Web design sucks.

Alright, next post we'll see if we can't get some optimism.